How to pleasure your woman

Choices. While a few women can occasionally orgasm from breast and nipple stimulation and others from fantasizing alone, what we are talking about is using your hands (“handjob”), your mouth (“oral sex”), a vibrator or some combination.

• Vibrators are on the other end of the spectrum. Arousal, plateau and climax can happen more quickly, with less effort. Yet a woman often uses a vibator on herself, and can seem more mechanical, with less connection to her partner.
• Oral sex. A majority of women would choose this method, but only if the giver knows what she likes and can perform it long enough for orgasm, typically 20 to 40 minutes.

  Pros Exciting and pleasurable for most women Most givers enjoy getting up close and personal When done correctly, with a receptive receiver, her pleasure can be intoxicating

  Cons There’s a disconnect from not being able to look at each other. Often takes a long time to reach orgasm Giver’s mouth, tongue and jaw can cramp up Some givers may not care for the musk odor Some givers may not be confident in technique Some receivers may not be comfortable with someone’s face down there Many givers are more inclined to balk during menstruation.

• Hand sex. This is using your hands to masturbate her. It’s a method that is so rarely talked about (ever seen it in porn?) that it has no common name. Hand sex, when performed at all, is often sandwiched between foreplay and pentetration sex. When performed as coreplay resulting in orgasm, it has the benefits of greater connection, freeing the mouth to kiss her anywhere, depending on the current position. It is more comfortable to perform for long periods of time. Few givers or receivers have issues with aspects of it. And, in the hands of a knowledgeable lover, there is almost no arousal zone that can’t be included.

  Pros Pleasurable for most women Most givers enjoy exploring and feeling arousal When done correctly, with a receptive receiver, her pleasure can be intoxicating Can maintain a strong personal connection, when performed side by side Can give her nipples attention, when performed side by side Easier to monitor her arousal, when performed side by side Can be combined with oral sex and fingering for a perfect trifecta Can be easily performed for a long time, and a vibrator can be added to have more options

  Cons Some givers may not be confident in technique Poor technique is a buzz kill xxx

Considering all the pros and cons, this article will choose the hand sex option as the main technique, with the other two options as extras. Oral sex can be used any time, but might be most effective when beginning direct clit stimulation. Vibrators might be used to shorten any of the stages if there are time constraints. As with any method, poor execution can be disastrous, but it’s likely that there will be less tolerance for bumbling in hand sex. Keep reading and we’ll tell you what you need to know to start you on your adventures of letting your fingers do the walking in the Land of Pleasure.

But first, let's look at what we still don't know yet. Shockingly, the female sex organs and the arousal processes are still not fully understood, even among professionals with years of education. For centuries, a patriarchial mindset presumed that women are just baby-making sex slaves, and if they also enjoy sex, they are defective. Embarrassment, fear and other negative feelings (erotophobia - “err ROT uh FOH bia”) have both squashed and ignored female sexual pleasure, preventing academics from choosing to study sexual matters for fear of being considered "perverts". And even if some were to decide to research sexual pleasure/physiology, can’t get funding, for the same reasons [graphic depicting the three groups (doctors, public, women) with question marks above them]

Consequently, very little research has been conducted into a woman's sexual organs or sexual health. Medical texts and courses have largely ignored the female clitoris or the arousal tissues and process. Even today, there is much more teaching and research on the female urinary system than the pleasure tissues. Urology textbooks cover vulvar anatomy in far greater depth than most gynecology textbooks do. This article will provide more information than most medical texts or classes.

Even today: The number of nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris is often stated as "8000", but that number comes from a study of sheep. The anatomical source of the "G-Spot" has been ascribed to two or more different tissues, but at least two scientific studies have failed to prove it even exists. The existence of the "A-Spot" (“anterior fornix”) and the "O-Spot" (posterior fornix”), both near the cervix, is rarely mentioned. Up until the last few years, few professionals had a complete picture of the female arousal tissues and even now, the average person is completely unaware. But for you dear Romeo, that is about to change.

Even those with vulvas are often not fully knowledgeable about their genitals. Their awareness is usually from self touch. Keep in mind, if you have a vulva, it’s not very easy to see them fully, especially if you aren’t skinny and limber, and even then, your view is like how the runway appears to a pilot landing a plane. Only a few women use a mirror to examine themselves, and usually not very often. Because it is hard to see everything, shaving is safer and easier if a partner or a pro does it.

Anatomy

The diagram above shows many of the important external and internal parts, most of which are known by several medical names and street names. This diagram is labeled with the names that we'll be using.

Internal parts. Up until about the late 1990's, almost no one had any clue about what was under the vulva. Apparently, everyone was too embarrassed to look, or at least to talk about what they found. For the last three decades, what we've learned about this part of a woman's anatomy has been slowly becoming revealed. But even today, medical diagrams differ on where and how big the internal parts are, among other details. It’s probably safe to assume that the internal parts vary as much as the external parts do..

Homologous parts. It is easier to understand the importance of these hidden and ignored parts, when you realize that they are the same types of tissues found in a man's penis. Male and female babies start out with the same genitals, and they differentiate starting as an embryo, and ending with puberty. A newborn boy and girl's genitals look more alike than different, especially from the front, before the testes descend into the scrotum of the boy. These shared tissues are called homologous (“hoe MAHL uh gus”). Now let’s take the tissues that develop into a penis in a man and see what they become in a woman. The penis is composed of these parts: shaft skin, a pair of long erectile tissues inside the shaft (on the side closest to the belly button), the urethra (on the other side), and an erectile bulb at the base of the penis that pushes the engorged penis into an erect position. Except for the penis shaft skin, these tissues all become part of the clitoris, most of them hidden under the vulva.

The Clitoris This picture shows what we believe the clitoris looks like in its entirety, with two parts outside and two parts inside:

• Glans (glans clitoris, clitoral glans) corresponding to the head of the penis, but much smaller and more sensitive, usually only exposed when aroused.
• Body, corresponding to the fused ends of the twin penile erectile tissues, but much smaller and covered by the clitoral hood, which corresponds to the foreskin of an uncircumcised penis.
• Legs, corresponding to the rest of the twin penile erectile tissues, splayed out in a “wishbone” shape. The main part is usually identified as the “corpus cavernosum” and the ends as the “crura”. Often, medical diagrams will omit one of these two terms, confusingly calling the entire leg by one or the other.
• Vestibular bulbs, corresponding to the erectile bulb in the base of the penis, but split into two halves that straddle the vagina and reach up to connect with the rest of the cliroris where the legs fork away from the body of the clitoris.

The penile shaft skin becomes the inner lips of the vulva, and the scrotum becomes the outer lips.Unlike a man’s penis though, the clitoris exists for only one purpose: PLEASURE! A woman essentially has all the tissues that a man has, plus a vagina/cervix/uterus.

How to

Now that we understand the landscape, let’s use that understanding.

A quick note about being “satisfied”. Most of the time this means an orgasm, but it’s wrong to focus on orgasm as the only acceptable measure of success. Climaxing is hard work, and the woman often does as much to reach orgasm as the person stimulating her. Sometimes, a woman may just prefer to relax and be stroked by someone who loves her. Focus on the journey, not the destination. On the other hand (so to speak), if you find that something isn’t working, keep trying other things to maximize her pleasure, and check your approach. You might be rushing too much. Slow down, use lighter pressure, move to a different pleasure zone, or go back to non-vulva contact, etc.

Step One: Check your feelings, attitude and expectations. While most of this article is devoted to knowledge and technique, we need to stop and discuss the most most important aspects. Often, arousal is more mental than physical, in that if the mental isn’t working first, the physical won’t work well. There are a wide range of dynamics that will affect your lovemaking session, and should be addressed before intimate physical play. First and foremost, ask yourself if you think your partner is ready to be emotionally vulnerable. She needs to feel safe.

Experience and project gratitude and acceptance. As you think about and prepare for intimacy, inventory what you might be taking for granted. Are you grateful for your partner? Her presence in your life, her love for you, her body? Does she know how grateful you are? Foreplay is a great time to express that gratitude and appreciation. Feel it in your heart and soul, but also tell her and then show her. Does she like gentle and loving? Slow dance for a few minutes. Or does she need more passion? Make her heart race by pushing her against the wall, kiss her hungrily and whisper something dirty in her ear. Does she want to be dominated? Maybe light bondage will make foreplay more exciting and help her get out of her head.

Assume insecurity. Unless your previous romps have already been enthusiastic, no-holds-barred adventures on her part, then you may have some work to do on yourself, my friend. While you may be fortunate to have a strong, trusting, loving relationship with a partner that is completely secure about herself, we’ll assume a more typical scenario. For example, let’s consider that your partner may be exhausted, stressed about life, has issues with your relationship, unresolved resentments, has poor self esteem, doesn’t like her body, doesn’t like parts of her vulva or is insecure about them, has been raised to think sex is sinful, has emotional trauma from previous relationships and was sexually abused in the past. Maybe she has a bladder infection coming on. Maybe you’ve made missteps in the past that added to these negative feelings. Maybe there are unspoken feelings of insecurity, that are valid or not. She might be reading between the lines, wondering why you don’t kiss her as much, or why you’ve never given her oral sex. Perhaps she didn’t like things in past lovemaking sessions but like most of us, kept that dislike secret, and doesn’t look forward to future lovemaking.

No expectations, no pressure, no rules. Even if you do everything right, your intimate playtime may not include an orgasm for her. That’s a target, but be mentally and emotionally prepared for her climax to elude you and her, either now and then, or perhaps at first as you build trust. Some women just never seem to be able climax, some women climax at almost the first touch. If yours is having difficulty (tonight or always) focus on her satisfaction. Orgasm is not required for a high level of satisfaction. The best way to prevent an orgasm is to project an expectation and apply pressure on her. Be careful to not allow expectations or pressure to creep into pillow talk whispers. Let it be a pleasant surprise if it happens.

No judging. You have no business in her bed, if you don’t like something about her that she has no control over. If you think her breasts are too big or too small, she’s too fat or skinny, too horny or not horny enough, she will sense it, even if you haven’t said anything. She can’t be intimate and vulnerable to you, if she thinks you are judging her. She’s already probably judging herself and needs your help to counter those voices.

Women are not men. Everyone tends to interpret interactions based on their own experiences. For example, if you are male, you probably have years of experience of quick and easy arousal, followed by quick and easy orgasms. So when your partner starts to show signs of arousal (yay!) it’s easy for a guy to assume that her arousal is the same as his and to increase stimulation in a way that would work fine on him. You’re also probably really turned on and anxious to move forward. But unless the playtime is at a passionate, fireworks exploding intensity for her, proceed slowly, assuming that first signs are just first signs.

Every person is different, every day is different. What your last partner loved, may be repulsive or ambivalent to your current partner. What she loved before, she may not like tonight. As you make love to her, make no assumptions. Be prepared to throw out the plan and to try to find what feels best to her right now, and to keep finding out what feels best in the moment. Strive to give her satisfaction, whether it’s an orgasm, or just a long period of arousal, or even just an hour of touch, affection and intimate conversation. If you focus on her satisfaction, she will probably make sure your physical needs are met at the end, even if she just watches you masterbate (which can be an extremely intimate shared experience).

Modes of sex. Every sexual encounter has a power dynamic, that may be the same or may be the opposite of the relationship’s dynamic. She may have more power in the relationship (better looking, smarter, forceful, etc), but may want to be dominated in the bed or vice versa. Any combination is possible, including the more common one of equal power. It’s important to know what she wants and the techniques in this discussion should be modified as appropriate, if possible. She may want you to dominate, but you may not be comfortable doing that. Some ways to be more dominant are to use restraints, emphasize more teasing and edging, rougher foreplay, hot and cold sensory play, dirty talk, etc. Dominance can be a bigger part of Your Turn, but can still be incorporated into Her Turn. If she wants you to be more submissive, you can beg to be allowed to please her, ask permission to touch her in certain places, ask her if you’re doing it right, apologize for being unworthy to be with her, wear a leash, etc.

Step Two: Preparation Above all, you must make sure your hands are as clean as possible. UTIs are no fun. Clean your fingernails with a brush and trim them as short as possible, file them smooth and round the edges as much as you can. Gather and stage lube, towels, wipes and gloves. Water based lube absorbs into the skin, requiring frequent replenishment and is easier to clean up afterwards. Silicone lube stays slippery longer and is a little more difficult to clean up later. It’s best to have one or two vibrators on hand, as a backup. A small bullet vibe, and a big wand vibe are good to have on hand. For advanced play, there are lots of other toys to experiment with, like butt plugs, dildoes etc.

Step Three: Arousal only (“Foreplay”) Don’t cannonball into the deep end, slow dance in the shallow end first. Arousal is listed as a separate step, but it should continue throughout the rest of your playtime. Full arousal usually takes 20-40 minutes. This can start before intimate touching starts, but if it doesn't, be sure to take your time. Foreplay can actually start hours before you get alone with her. Flirt with her all day, with words, touches, maybe a wink and a twinkle in your eye. Rub her shoulders and/or feet. Slow dance with her in the middle of other things.

Read the signs. As your partner becomes aroused, her breasts will swell, her external clitoris will swell, both sets of labia will swell and pull apart, glands will lubricate various parts and the vagina will eventually swell open a little. Full arousal involves the hidden erectile tissues, including the urethral sponge. To increase her satisfaction, you must be attentive to the signs of arousal. It is a skill worth developing.

The method is simple: slowly and completely arouse every part of her, inside and out, saving the most sensitive parts for last. Much of this arousal can happen from non-direct stimulation. From kissing, hugging and pillow talk, to stroking and rubbing her body (not the genitals), getting "in the mood" is crucial to attaining full arousal. Teasing helps tremendously. Leaving clothes on at this stage makes it easier to keep the teasing from advancing too quickly. Gradually removing clothes as you stimulate and tease can add to the building arousal. But don't forget to pause frequently. Stimulation will create a stream of endorphins to flood into her brain and affect the erectile tissues. Without some breaks, her senses can be overwhelmed and she'll be denied being able to savor it all. Like eating a box of chocolates, enjoyment increases when savored slowly, with some occasional palette cleansing. Don’t forget the skin is an organ and skin on skin, your body pressed against hers is a huge turn on.

Anal option: If you know that your woman is comfortable with anal stimulation, it can be a wonderful accentuator. The anal area has lots of nerve endings that share much of the nerve bundles that travel up the spine to her brain. If you include this, it's best to use a glove on that hand, and never ever touch anything else. UTIs are no fun. Alternatively, you can stimulate this area while she still has her underwear on. Stimulating her through her panties lets her relax more, knowing that penetration is off the table. The entire area is sensitive, cheeks and all, so start there and gradually tease your way towards her anus, lightly, lightly. Swirl a gloved fingertip around her sphincter and lightly stroke her inner lips with your other hand (or with your tongue). Light external vaginal messaging can work here for brief intervals. Do not penetrate her anus unless you know she's wanting you to and is experienced with that. You can swirl a little inside the sphincter with a finger tip, especially if she's gaping, but the nerve endings are mostly outside and if she's comfortable with you touching her there, will greatly add to the overall arousal. If she likes, you can insert a butt plug. When that part of her arousal has plateaued, remove the glove and focus on her vulva for the rest of the session.

Step Four: Direct stimulation (“Core play”) About 30 minutes in, the arousal process should be at the unclothed stage now. Slowly tease, working from the mons pubis, the inner thighs, lightly brushing the pubic hair (if any). Take a break, explore her stomach, thighs, nipples, lips (as in kiss her on the mouth, you fool!). If your position allows, kiss her inner thighs often, first as a lead up to core play and then as a pause from it. Gently place your hand on her vulva, settle for a few seconds, and then using your fingers, stroke up and down on both sides of the vulva, slightly pinching the outer lips of her vulva. Try to feel if there is any erectile tissue engorging. If you are using lube, make sure you spread it in this area, so that your fingers apply pressure, not friction. You may be able to feel the clitoral legs with your fingertips, becoming firm. Alternate lightly rubbing the vulva lightly on the labia, and then firmly on the sides, in the crease between the vulva and the leg, pressing below to stroke and stimulate the inner clitoris parts. Try pinching the sides of the clitoral hood and body and wiggle it side to side. Do the same with the entire vulva. Remember, most of her clitoris is underneath. Penis penetration of the vagina can stimulate parts of the clitoris that are near the vaginal walls, but you can also stimulate them with pressure, motion and indirect stroking. Think of it as being touched in the groin when you’re still clothed.

This is where you should follow your instincts, informed by the arousal you can feel in all the parts. Feel for her becoming wetter, her labia to be fully swollen and the opening to her vagina starting to expand. Also at this stage, it is usually best to refrain from touching the tip of her clit (the glans) and inside her vagina. The exceptions are that if you want to add oral stimulation, short, light, wet licking of the glans are great for most women, and rubbing and pulling the hood back are great additions. Give a lot of attention to her inner labia. Remember that they are the same tissue as penis skin. Try to stay at this stage as long as you can, remembering to pause briefly as you continue to build arousal. At the end of this stage, gently and firmly grasp the lower vulva with your hand on both sides, using your fingers and thumb to squeeze the vagina from the outside, stoking up and down to "massage" the vagina through the labia, from outside. You can also slowly shake it back and forth, just enough pinching pressure to cause the walls of the vagina to rub together and have motion, without direct touch. Briefly, stretch the labia open, which will also stretch the vagina. This brief exposure, as well as pulling back on the clitoral hood, will give her a burst of intense arousal. By now, her urethral sponge, the erectile tissue surrounding her urethra, should be very aroused. This will often activate her G-Spot, and area of the vaginal wall about 2 inches deep, on the side closest to her belly button. The urethral opening is very sensitive, some women enjoy a very light stimulation. Be sensitive to the reality of UTIs and the urethra, and know that your woman may be nervous about that area as well. Best to avoid it until you can experiment as an advanced pleasure-giver. Most women, however, respond well to stimulating the area between the urethral opening and the tip of the outer clit. To do this correctly, you must establish clearly in your mind where the opening is. For most women, it is low, almost to the vagina, but it might be closer to the clit in others. Try light rubbing, up and down, side to side, circular, and see which feels best to her. As you are learning how to accurately sense her arousal, talk to her, ask her how what you are doing feels, ask if you should go lighter or harder, faster or slower, here or there. Encourage her to take your hand and move it where she wants it, or your finger. Ask her to pleasure herself, with your hand resting on hers.

Continue stimulating every part of the internal and external vulva, repeat for a while enjoying her sustained pleasure. Give her some time to savor the pleasure, before you torture her with desire.

How you bring her to climax depends on several complicated factors, including what you want to do, what she's comfortable with and wants you to do. Early in your pleasuring episodes, try to ask her how what you are doing feels. Ask her if she wants you to "this", as you start to do something. Later, after having pleasured her a few times, you should have a good idea what she likes, keeping in mind every day is a new day and some days we all can be in the mood for variety. In later sessions, you can playfully start to try new things, stopping if she doesn't respond well. A little variety keeps things fresh and interesting for both of you.

As you start to begin the final stage which will culminate in a mind blowing orgasn for her (hopefully), you have a spectrum of choices about including vaginal stimulation. The vagina is a bizarre mix of sensitivities and numbness. A penis is a great guest in this chamber, and if she is 100% aroused and you can last a long time, it can be a great way to bring her to climax, but direct outer clit stimulation in conjunction with penis intercourse is usually required. You should only do this if she requests, or after you have pleasured her the other ways, to make sure she is completely satisfied.

Inside the vagina, there are areas of the walls that are different. Everyone has heard about the "G-Spot", but every expert seems to have a different concept of it. Some say that it is the vestibular bulbs engorging and pressing on the vaginal walls at the 2 and 10 o'clock positions (12 o'clock is closest to her belly button), from about one to three finger segments in. Others say the G-Spot is at 12 o'clock, at the same depth, and is the swollen urethral sponge. Maybe both are right, but which one is more receptive to direct stimulation may vary from woman to woman, or moment to moment. You just have to play it ear, adjusting your stimulation to the response. The best approach is to slip on a latex glove and lube two of your fingers and tease her labia and vaginal opening gently, slowly slide them in, feeling the upper inner wall. If she is properly aroused, you might actually feel your fingers being sucked in. You might feel her G-Spot thrust up and push upward and outward if she's ahead of you. Or you might just feel an area that is more ribbed than the rest of her inner walls. Lightly rub in circles, and see what responds. When you have an idea of her response, try using a "come here" motion with your finger tips. Some women like it when the fingers are together, massaging the 12 o'clock area, and some like the fingers spread apart a little to massage the 10 and 2 o'clock areas. Do not rub very hard, even if she is pushing against your fingers. Some women do well with slightly increasing pressure, others will find that ongoing stimulation becomes unpleasant. Communication can be very helpful here.

Some experts describe a second "A-Spot" deep inside, just before the cervix, at the 12 o'clock position, as well as an “O-spot” opposite it at the 6 o’clock position. These are the anterior and posterior fornix, and until the vagina is fully aroused and becomes wider and deeper, they are embedded in the vagina walls. The A-spot, when stimulated, eg by the tip of a penis rubbing on it, can greatly increase the production of lubrication. Deep penetration with short strokes is often effective. This is too deep for most fingers, (unless you are both into fisting). Toys can reach it of course. While we are talking about the cervix, during intercourse, most women get a pleasure from the penis hitting the cervix, but some don't like it. This could actually be more from the A-spot and O-spot than the cervix itself.

During full arousal, you can consider more aggressive stimulation of the G-spot. If she likes it, and her G-spot continues to respond, you may find that you can increase the pressure, eventually tapping it as rapidly as you can, your fingers still bent at the first joint. Experts recommend that you keep your whole hand, fingers and forearm stiff, powering the back and forth motion from your elbow. If this is something that works for your lady, be aware that she may ejaculate as she comes. It's a good idea to have towels positioned. If you know this is a possibility, protect the mattress before you start. If you don't want parts of yourself squirted on, leave this method alone.

Entrainment Before we continue, let’s talk about “entrainment” and “flow”. When you are pushing someone on a swing, you enter a state of flow, where you stop thinking and just do, being more present in the moment. This is what makes good sex, where we can get out of our heads. When fully aroused and repetitive stimulation is on that spot that makes you think, “Don’t stop!”, you have entered a state of “rhythmic neural entrainment” where the neuron signals in your brain build on each other. When this happens, keep going, without changing anything or stopping. Keep pushing that swing exactly the same every time. If sexual stimulation is intense enough and goes on long enough, synchronized activity spreads throughout the brain. This synchrony may produce such intensely focused attention that sexual activity outcompetes usual self-awareness for access to consciousness, producing a state of sensory absorption and trance. This often shows up as not being able to talk except in gibberish. The trance may, in rare instances, be so strong that even after orgasm, she appears to be unconscious and may have brief vivid dream-like imagery. However, if the woman is not able to relax enough or be aroused enough or is easily distracted (eg ADD/ADHD), this state can be very fragile. If she loses her focus on the sensation, (eg by a noise or by thinking about the possibility of having her first orgasm or by anxiety in general), the entrainment is interrupted and the neurons stop oscillating. One aspect of this can be found in many forms of BDSM. The suspense, anticipation, pain, loss of control (received and given) allow the partners to escape their thoughts and be absorbed into the flow, setting up the conditions for entrainment to be successful.

A good way to amp up her arousal is to show her how turned on you are. By this time, if you have a penis, you should have an erection. Take her hand and place it on your penis (or vulva) so she can feel your desire. Don’t let her do anything but hold it, no direct stimulation allowed for you.

Step five: Climax and cuddling Ok, she's fully aroused, and you've done as much vaginal play as you both want. Continue rubbing her G-spot if she's really enjoying that. Otherwise, continue stimulating her labia, her inner clitoris, her clitoral hood, but also add the tip of her clitoris as well. Again, be very gentle, and be well lubed. From now on, the pauses in stimulation will become more like "starts and stops", especially the tip of the clitoris, which we will just refer to as the "clit" for the rest of this tutorial. You are going to ramp up the intensity. When rubbing the clit, run in tiny circles, first one way, then the other. When you sense that she is about to climax, pull the hood back quickly and firmly, by pressing down and apart with the fingers and thumb of one hand on the skin just to the sides of the hooded clit. This quick exposure signals that her clit is going to be intensely stimulated and will build excitement. Rub her clit with a well lubricated finger tip, using a bit more pressure than before, but just for a few seconds, then stop and release the hood, Give her a few beats to relax the arousal tension, then repeat, over and over, with relaxation stops in between. You should be able to know exactly how aroused and close to climax she is, by her breathing and her squirming. Mix it up a little by rubbing the clit lighter and longer to build the tension slower and longer. Try to keeping the rest of her vulva stimulated, especially the inner lips. When she's closest to climax, you can feel her whole body reacting to your slightest strokes and it can feel like you are playing an instrument. This is the greatest feeling in the universe, and try to make it last as long as she can hold out, using the stops to prolong it. Finally, when you are both ready, intensify the stimulation. Dramatically pull her hood back just a bit more strongly so she can sense that the end is here, and (again with lots of lubrication), stimulate her clit with a bit firmer pressure than the teasing was, but don’t vary the speed. Go easy, but try to make it noticeably more than before, and use a constant rhythm that feels natural. This is a signal that you are not going to stop this time and she will enthusiastically allow the climax to continue to completion. When you are 100% certain that she’s about to climax, increase the pressure and rate. To really send her over the edge, talk to her excitedly, tell her how much you love her, how sexy she is, how hard she is going to cum. Encourage her to show her increasing excitement vocally as well. Ask her if she’s going to cum. Ask her louder, to encourage her to respond louder. Maybe even remind her to notice how every part of her body feels. The key is the excitement in your voice, and helping her to commit more of herself to her building orgasm with sounds and words.

As she climaxes, she may just convulse, her pelvic floor distorting her vagina and rectum. Her legs might twitch a little. She might squirt. She might scream.

This is a special, holy moment. As she's climaxing, ease up on the stimulation, slowing and lightening the pressure to almost nothing. The best choice as the convulsions subside, is to just keep touching her, without any rubbing. Let her know that she is safe in this most vulnerable moment. Lightly cup her vulva in your hand. Enjoy listening to her breathing return to normal, and sensing her euphoria as she savors the endorphins coursing through her brain. Enjoy the endorphins in your own body. Connect with her in spirit, pressing your naked body to hers, kiss her sweetly and then just lie with her in the afterglow. Sometimes, she may cry. If that happens, treasure the connection and the power in this moment. Say nothing, but hug her lovingly. She’s being vulnerable to you and needs to feel safe and accepted.

Step six: Your turn Now, it’s your turn. Maybe she gets on all fours and gives you a blow job, while you raise your hand to her wet vulva and let her grind on your hand, possibly even giving her a second orgasm as she’s giving you your first. Or maybe you have penetrative sex. .

Step seven: After care Sex is over, but don’t roll over and go to sleep. Cuddle, stroke, tell her you lover her. Bask in the glory of the shared intimacy. Check in with each other. What worked? What didn’t? How do you each fee? If you feel like asking her if she had an orgasm, or if it was a good orgasm, consider instead, asking her if she is satisfied, in a way that shows that her satisfaction is important to you.

And then remind her to go pee. This helps flush the urethra from lube and bacteria from your fingers and reduces the risk of a urinary tract infection (“UTI”).